If you don't cry a little on your birthday is it even your birthday?

I laughed at this meme a few days ago and it came back to bite me in the ass.

I’m 32 today! 5 days ago, I laughed at this meme.

And to be fair, it’s still hilarious.

That was never really me, crying on my birthday. But I had a moment of reflection in my personal journal this morning (the daily routine), and I couldn’t help but cry.

And that’s okay.

This certainly isn’t an ask for anyone to console me, I promise lol. But when I take a moment of gratitude and reflection on all I’ve accomplished, the moments of everything I haven’t done yet or failed to do also seep in. And that’s human.

I also think a big chunk of it is being happy for myself for working hard, but being sad for myself that I did it all while feeling incredibly lonely. Maybe I’m getting more sensitive as I get older, or maybe my hormones are hormone-ing.

I meme on myself for being chronically single (and I will continue to) but the cycle of how I feel about it goes empowered→ content → fomo → heartbroken, and then it circles back around and I feel fine again.

I think the low point just hit me at a bad time.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you this. That’s not true; yes, I do. There are two reasons.

1.) People (I’m told) see me as a very strong person. Emotionally hardened, independent, a goofy go-getter. And that’s all true. Can confirm. But if you also feel like you’re the tough one in your friend group, I want to remind you that it’s okay to have moments of feeling bad for yourself. You’re allowed, too.

2.) I also just want to say thank you. Launching this Substack/book club has been a really happy place for me this year. And as I type this, there are EIGHTY ONE of you! That’s huge! Thanks for being down to climb inside my brain a little bit each week. I hope I’ve made you laugh, or think twice, or feel something. That’s been my dream my whole life.

But that’s really it! Thanks for being here; it helps me feel less alone, truly.

I’m gonna take a nap and maybe order a slice of cake later. Have a good week!